I went for the second date with the man that the dating service matched me with. Here’s the back story on our first date.
The good news is that my intuition was spot on. Yes, he was too religious for me. While sweet, and I’m sure he was a kind person, my stomach did a little uncomfortable flop when he started quoting the Koran (it would have done the same if he had quoted scripture) even if it was just to say that “The Koran says to love everyone and to not force someone to be Muslim.” He also said that the Koran is the only religious book that is the pure, unadulterated word of God.
Let me back up here and share a personal reflection on religion and spirituality. I have a profound respect for and fascination of religion. My belief system knows that religion has a very important role in society and culture. My belief system knows that I can understand culture through religion and vice versa. My belief system knows that there are incredible, breathtaking, mind boggling mysteries in our universe.
However, that’s as much as my belief system knows.
While I can respect this man for his beliefs, while we may have enough in common to be friends, there is a big divide that would be almost impossible to traverse.
Another HUGE divide was that he thought homosexuals were ‘silly and confused’. He also felt so uncomfortable with the concept that he could not even say the words gay or lesbian or homosexual. Considering that I have some relatives and close friends who identify with the GLBT community, that just wouldn’t work in the long run. Plus, I already did that one with my ex-husband who, to this day, is very homophobic. While married, it was painful, sad, and an issue that we either heatedly argued about or angrily, silently ignored. Never again.
When I called the dating service to tell them my impressions, I got the feeling that they were annoyed with my ‘feedback’. After all, I said in my profile that I was an ‘open’ person. Yes, I agreed, and I am. However, I also scored a ‘2’ out of ‘10’ on the religion indicator. No matter how open I am, why match me with a man who clearly was practicing his religion.
My ‘matchmaker’ said that this man also didn’t score high on religion and he said that he was more spiritual than religious.
I reminded her that the religion questions focused on Christian based practice and that maybe the interviewer just didn’t know the right questions to ask of a Muslim to gauge devotion. (I said it very nicely and constructively!!! I swear!!!)
Well, that comment went over well with her (not). She ended the conversation by saying that it would take four to five weeks to match me with someone else.
The bad news of all of this is that I’m still single. My match wasn’t a match and my ‘matchmaker’ thinks that it’s because there’s something wrong with me—that I must be too picky.
On the other hand, maybe this is also good news—the fact that I’m not pursuing this match means I’ve been remembering some of my life-lessons.