Racy Snippet of WIP–Feedback Desired

So, today I’ve decided to share a bit of my WIP (Work in Progress), I had been planning on only sharing six sentences, but it’s just too delicious to stop at six. Constructive feedback is welcomed. Specifically what I’m looking for–realistic? Funny? Pacing? Grammatical errors?

Warning: this is part of a sex scene. Please don’t read if you are easily offended or, for some reason, grossed out with this kind of stuff.

What you really need to know: Rodger (from the UK) and Rachel are the main characters and they are on an eco-adventure tour. Rodger is in Rachel’s cabin. Alfredo is a guide on the tour who has taken a liking to our heroine. The snippet begins at the middle of the scene, just as Rodger has, well, gone down on her.

Click here for snippet.

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