Dating Service Part 3: A man’s got needs, Baby!

So I joined a matching/dating service. So far? Not impressed. Man #1 was too religious for me-I draw the line at quoting scripture in normal conversation. Then I was matched with Man #2.

He was my punishment for not being satisfied with Man #1.

While the agency read me his profile, I was thinking that this might not be a good match. They said he was in the ‘security industry’ (security guard? or spy?) and that he had one child-not living with him. He had some college but had not graduated. I told them I had some reservations–there were a couple of other things they told me that shot up some red flags–but that I wanted to trust the process and that I was very happy and willing to meet him. After all, how can one really tell unless you meet in person?

First time he called me? 10:30 pm on a work night. Yes, annoying, a bit rude. However I was up and he hadn’t woken me. I’m a night owl, so did it really matter that he called at an ‘unacceptable’ time?

He has two children, not one. With two different women-he was not married to either one. Well the agency got that one wrong, didn’t they? He also only sees his children once in awhile (they’re teenagers now). They live in the same town that he lives in. I’m thinking, family’s important to this man? I listed it as an essential on my profile.

He didn’t ask me out (what the agency recommends) and instead started flirting with me on the phone. It could have easily gone into phone sex if I’d wanted. Call me old fashioned, but this just bugs me. Totally disingenuous–DUDE! WE’VE NEVER MET! I am not a fantasy and I am not flattered. Now, once we know each other, that’s another story. . . . .

Second and third day his phone was disconnected due to non-payment. He was honest about it–a plus. And who am I to judge? It’s happened to me because I’ve forgotten to pay. But still, I was concerned because of how long it took to restore service.

Fourth day I finally ask him out to meet on Saturday-I had to cancel a little bit after that because I had already made plans with the girls that I had forgotten about. I was honest with him, apologized, and we rescheduled for Sunday evening. He seemed understanding; another plus.

Fifth day he tells me that his college was massage school and he’d love to give me a full body massage. Remember, he never finished college.  The agency thinks that massage school is college? This is trade school!

His job as a security guard (confirmed) is not with an agency-he hires himself out as an independent contractor. In other words, he’s unemployed.

At this point I’m thinking, why did the agency match me with this man? Besides our interest in going for walks on the beach, and liking music, we have nothing in common. We come from different worlds-he’s African American and grew up in one of the poorest, most violent & drug-ridden area of Oakland, and I, well I didn’t. He goes to church every Sunday with his mama (I guess I wasn’t clear enough with the agency when I said I did not want to be matched with a man who is religious).

But then a voice in my head said, “Self, maybe we were matched based on the communication thing-both of us said that communication was important, no games. Complete honesty.”

Maybe he’s just this really awesome man and we’d connect on some other, deeper level. Did it really matter that we were already sounding like a sitcom, the difference in our accents so pronounced? Wouldn’t it be fun to be exposed, on an intimate level, to a culture and way of living I’d never had access to before? The writer and experiential artist in me was intrigued.

Then he told me that he left his last wife because she played games in the bedroom. I’m thinking maybe he doesn’t like a blindfold, handcuffs and spanking-too bad, but I’ll adapt. Then he elaborates what he means by ‘games’. She’d hold out on him for no reason. And he finally got sick of it. “What’s the point of being married if you can’t hit that whenever you want? A man’s got needs, Baby.” And that’s a direct quote.

Even sitcoms aren’t this funny. Or this sad.

On Sunday night he called me at 9:30 pm to see if I still wanted to get together. He didn’t apologize for calling so late, and started the conversation by saying that he told me he wouldn’t be available until Sunday night. I think he was expecting a fight. Not worth the time or effort.

Let’s see who the agency finds for me next.

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7 thoughts on “Dating Service Part 3: A man’s got needs, Baby!

  1. RUN! I’ve never heard of a guy with so many issues. The thing is about dating is that early in a relationship people are generally on their “best” behavior in an attempt to impress the other person. When there are that many red flags, what is he going to be like when he relaxes and becomes who he really is?

  2. What a nightmare! Good thing you’re opened minded, but I agree with dumping the dating service. Better yet, give them one more try and if they don’t come through, I day “three strikes, you’re out!”

  3. OMG, what a nightmare. I have had dating stories like this you poor girl. You do have a funny story now though. Keep your chin up and you voice direct when you talk to the matchmaker about your next match. They did a terrible job this time around.

  4. This ‘agency’ better start doing better for you or I say dump them. Yes, it’s a good – funny story, but I hope you’re being safe and smart. This kind of guy can be scary in real life. Here’s hoping life gives you exactly what you need. Nothing less…..
    Enjoy always, T

  5. oh my lord. I would say RUN, but sounds like you already did. Good luck with the next one. Here’s hoping they aren’t as bad. I had a friend who did the online dating thing and she found the same thing you did, over and over. Fingers crossed for you!

    • Yes, I ran, though probably not as soon as I should have. However, if I had run sooner, I wouldn’t have this gem of a story. Thanks for the fingers crossed. 🙂

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