Snippet Sunday #7 Swashbuckler Heats Up

snippetsundayWeekend WritersSneekPeekSunday

Welcome! I took a break last weekend–moved to a new house and the internet hadn’t yet been installed. Yikes! Life without internet? The first night my daughter and I sat on the couches just staring at one another until we finally figured out we could play a game of cards. Which we did for about a half hour. Then we went to bed early. Pathetic. BUT, I digress. . .

This week’s snippet for Snippet Sunday, Weekend Writing Warriors, and Sneak Peek Sunday is from my contemporary romance called Swashbuckler. We’re in Rodger’s POV as he and Rachel are getting a bit, um, intimate. She wants to speed things up, he wants to make the moment last by slowing it down… Comments, suggestions for improvement, reactions are all welcome!

durex_bulge

Too funny to not post!

“Keep that up and you’ll get your wish,” Rodger growled. He watched her smile at his words, mischief entering her eyes. She undid the top button of his jeans, then the next.

“I’m serious, Rachel–no touching.”  He reached for her hand, with all intentions to stop her relentless attack on his self-control. But he couldn’t help himself, she’d already won. Rodger sucked in a quick breath as she cupped his obvious, bulging cock.

Rachel raised a questioning eyebrow. “You sure you want me to stop?” What he wanted was to devour that sexy, knowing smirk from her sumptuous lips. 

Here’s a link to the blurb for Swashbuckler >

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28 thoughts on “Snippet Sunday #7 Swashbuckler Heats Up

  1. Nice snippet! Very hot! (And I love that picture! LOL!)

    I’m hardly an expert, but for a deeper POV, maybe give his reaction to her smile, rather than have him watch it? Something like:

    “Her smile at his words and the mischief dancing in her eyes only made him grow harder.”

  2. Just when I think I grasp POV, I confuse readers. Lol. I’m not an expert, I just like what I like. It’s all story for me. I tend to want to write from a narrator POV, and not necessarily from a main character’s. I think it sounded fine. He’s a hard one, I mean handful.:D

  3. I’d change “He watched her smile at his words, mischief entering her eyes.” to “She smiled at his words, mischief entering her eyes.” Other than that, I liked her teasing him. And I love the Durex ad! lol

    • Thanks for the suggestion, Siobhan. I think you’re right on–originally it was “she smiled at…”, only this is supposed to be in his POV and I just took a deep POV class so I thought I’d try to make it obviously in his POV and… classes confuse the heck out of me! Anyone else want to weigh in and help me with this conundrum???

      • “She smiled at his words, mischief entering her eyes.” This is still from his POV. She cannot see her own eyes and “the mischief” is what he observes. But if you said, “She smiled at his words, intent on causing mischief,” then that would be from her POV. Hope this helps 🙂

        Also, I don’t know many men who wear jeans with more than one button. “She undid the top button of his jeans, then the next.” It made me wonder what kind of jeans he’s wearing.

        Um, and yeah, I think the moment any girl starts touching that area, most sane men would lose control 😉 I really loved this snippet and how she teases him. Can’t wait to read more from you.

      • If you want to make it even deeper in his POV, try “Her mischievous smile made his heart pound/tightened his balls/set his mind on fire, etc.” or something that affects him. When you use “watched” or “saw” it distances the reader one more level from the character. Describing a reaction to someone’s action settles the reader deeply into the character. 🙂

  4. OMG, the condom ad right after that first sentence had me howling because on my screen the dialogue tag came after the photo whereas the dialogue was right beside it as if the girl pictured was saying it. Well done you!

    • I love it when I’m writing scenes like this and a man comments–indeed, how (and why?) could anyone say stop?

      In answer, there is a reason. Please, please come back next week and let me know if I’m being completely stupid with his reason. It’s all tied into the female fantasy thing and alpha male hero. . .

    • Thanks for asking, Kate. I’m in heaven! I moved from a two bedroom to a three bedroom and now I have an office. Wow. What a difference. Just need to unpack a few more boxes. Then a few more. . .

  5. Spicy indeed! I enjoyed this–great snippet! 🙂

    PS…I had to do a double take on the ad–I missed the man and the caption at first, then I laughed out loud! Too funny! LOL 😀

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